


The Favorite Mistake

by juanafever



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/M, Like Why?, Morning After, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, The Author Regrets Nothing, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:46:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11926005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juanafever/pseuds/juanafever
Summary: My take on the morning after of the night before. The moral hungover was always a nasty thing to wake up with. Darcy  Lewis could bet testify to that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wino](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wino/gifts).



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**xxx**

**This Work is dedicated to the lovely Wino**

**that takes the time to weed out my mistakes and make my stories better.**

**You are awesome**

**and I really appreciate your help**

**xxx**

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The Favorite Mistake

 

 

That was not how it was supposed to go. Not at all. It wasn’t in the plan. Not that there had been a plan, but if there _had_ been one, _this_ … would not have been fucking it. 

_‘Shit shit shit shit…’_

The body next to her shifted and the mattress dipped just slightly, the slope and gravity bringing her closer to him.

_‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck...’_

Was it possible to suffocate by holding your breath in anticipation? It was an odd though, but regardless it was floating in the murky depths of Darcy’s mind.

Now there was a hand on her abdomen and his thumb was lazily circling her belly button.

She needed to breathe, Darcy reminded herself. Her stomach flip-flopped.

‘ _In out in out in out. Will you settle the fuck down?!_ ’ when those words nearly slipped from her parched  lips, that Darcy had to admit to herself that she was still more than just a little drunk.

Of all the stupid things that she could have possibly done last night… Why? _Just Why?_ She was not generally that stupid. _She wasn’t._

“Do you want some water? I am drier than Roger’s sense of humor. Or should I pretend I don’t know that you are awake?” 

Tony’s voice wasn’t even loud, yet it still managed to startle her. So much for playing the sleeping beauty. 

Darcy groaned. Her mouth was dry and she couldn’t even manage a proper response, at this point she wasn’t sure if the reason was dehydration or the panic tying her stomach in knots. Could very well been a combination of both.

“And _this_ is why you stick with hard stuff instead of drinking mixed shit by the gallon.” There was laughter in his voice and the gentle kiss that he pressed to her temple finally forced Darcy’s eyes open. The room was semi dark. His room was semi dark. His room that was his _bedroom_ was semi dark and she was in it. She was in his ridiculously large bed with him. The bed they had done quite a few things in, she guessed.

 _Hit it and quit it._ Wasn’t that how it was called?

They had definitely hit it.

Darcy hated her memory with a vengeance at this point in time. There were no fuzzy snippets to ease her into it. No. She kind of knew what happened mere hours ago from the content soreness in a strategic place and what she was sure was a beard burns on various parts of her body. It itched in a funny way.

The memories came with all the subtlety of a brick to ones teeth. First there was shock and disbelief. Vague attempts at denial lasted a whole second until she tried to sit up and froze: there was something leaking out of her. _Leaking out of her._ At this point she also remembered how she knew that Tony had a clean bill of health and also a confirmed vasectomy. Reason being that he told her last night while ripping her dress off her. _The dress never stood a chance_ , Darcy thought sluggishly. The flimsy soft fabric gave way without much resistance.

Should she ask for reimbursement after? He had no right to destroy her property. She paid for that dress from her own damn wages and it was expensive. Panic was giving way to hysteria and not very rational thoughts were being pushed to the forefront of her mind. She liked the dress and Tony just assumed that it was OK to tear it  apart. The fuck was he thinking? The fuck was she thinking? The fuck they were both fucking thinking last night? They ruined a perfectly good friendship for a drunken fuck… and it was a good friendship. They snarked at each other at every possible opportunity, Darcy would bring lunch for him occasionally as a thank you for letting her use his equipment. Sometimes he came to Jane’s lab and hung out with Dr Banner and sometimes they made cool science stuff.

There were tears running down her face and she was sobbing with her eyes shut as Tony manhandled her until she was laying half on him, her head resting on his shoulder. 

“Darcy… Fuck, Please don’t hate me…” he was holding her close so strong it was borderline painful and Darcy was sure it was going to leave bruises, just like the ones he'd marked her with as he fucked her into the mattress last night.

“We ruined it… fucking ruined…” He was making her look at him. She didn’t even have her glasses on. She didn’t even know where the glasses were. It was all making her even more upset.

“Ruined what? Is it the dress? I will get you a new dress, fuck I will get you all the fucking dresses… The fuck are you crying for?” Being subtle was not Tony’s strong point and he didn’t bother with it. Fingers were digging into her shoulders as she was hauled into a seated position alongside Tony.

 Why wasn’t he _quitting_? It was time to _quit_. He should be somewhere else, waiting till she left so the next day they could both pretend that the night before never happened. That was how it worked. That was how levelheaded adults that knew how to adult did it… And it applied to the two of them as they both were occasionally levelheaded. Not last night, though.

Last night was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. Tony was her friend. A friend that had quite literally spent a good portion of the night fucking her like his life depended on it… yeah, totally what friends do… 

“Hey… Shortstack. I am not holding this all night…”

She couldn't quite muster the energy to sound peeved or offended. There just wasn’t any energy left in her. All the reserves were being used to suppress desire to scream and run for the hills while ignoring reality and also crying. Stark had the bottle of water pressed to her lips and Darcy complied.

 The water felt good running down her throat. Was it always this amazing? This was the most amazing feeling.

Tony finished the bottle once she was done and tossed it in the direction of what she assumed was the bin. Or not. You never knew with Tony. He'd had an army of cleaning staff to pick up his mess all his life.

“Ok. The fuck is wrong?”

“Hmm…” Darcy managed a halfhearted attempt of getting out of bed and away from him. Somebody had to move; it looked like it was gonna have to be her.

“Fuck no. You are not running. Darcy, babe, you have to tell me what is wrong, I can’t fix shit when I don’t know which part is fucked up.”

“Us. Totally fucked up. The fuck up of the century. And let go! I am sitting in a fucking wet patch; I went to fucking bathroom to clean up! How can I still be leaking?!”

“I am clean.” Why did he sound so matter of fact? Like _oh, do you want sugar_ like? They were in his bed. Butt naked. What was she doing being friend’s with Tony fucking Stark to begin with? She always knew it was going to end badly. She did. And that was exactly what was happening.

“Yes, I fucking remember.” Did he have to say it out loud? The memory of his groaning it out against her neck as he… “And … shoot blanks. The … your  _stuff_ … is still coming out of me. How much did you produce?” Tony was grinning now and Darcy wanted to strangle him. Tony looked like sin. He had no right to look that good after a night like the one they had. _Fucking smug face Tony._

“Brilliant idea. Let’s check. ”

“You are the worst…” Darcy shifted closer to the edge while pulling the sheet to cover her up to the chin.

“Now, Darcy, babe. That is not what you said last night. ” But his hands were around her and Tony pulled her close. All warmth and solid muscle and smelling like sex. A softly glowing arc reactor was right in her face as an unneeded reminder of who she was with right now.

“I don’t remember…” She couldn’t muster enough strength to get away. The insides of her thighs were wet and sticky. She was angry like she hadn't been in years. To make such a stupid mistake… _how_ on earth? They weren’t even _that_ _drunk_. “Jane will kill me. Oh… God… She will probably kill you first…”

“Foster is what? 100 pounds soaking wet? I can take her. Besides wasn’t she on your tits about going out and having fun? Fun has been had.”  She could actually hear the grin in his voice as he briefly squeezed her ass before petting it gently, the calluses on his palm catching on the oversensitive skin.

“Can I be there when you tell her that?” At least it would be fun to watch. Iron Man taken down by the angry BFF of a girl he just fucked. “I need to go.” Yeah, she had to go and screw her head back on the right way on so it would be working again.

“No you don’t. Foster is away with Point Break for the next week. Besides, you had me running around you in circles for a year, Lewis. _A year, Honey.”_

“Yeah, sure, you sat on blue balls for a year. Totally something that never happened since you first got laid, I am pretty sure.” Tony’s breath tickled her shoulder as he laughed and Darcy tried not to get distracted by how much she liked it. _Glutton for punishment that was what she was._

“You are not entirely wrong, you still had me running around you, though.”

“I did not. I resend the accusation…”

“In circles.”

“I need to go to the loo.”

“Me too.”

“Are you shitting me?”

“No, just need to take a leak.”

“I am the one here that is leaking because of you. Hold it. I’m first.”

“That is cruel.”

“Suck it up.”

“Pepper will love you.”

“Jane will not be falling over when she finds out… Oh, and Thor. _Shit_ I forgot about that.”

“Oh, that is out of the way. Valhalla will open the doors for me early if I mess up, death by magic hammer and all that.”

“...Thor gave you the shovel talk? When did that happen?”

“Spark, I been running after you for a year, everyone I know has given me the shovel talk. Including Rhodey. Which by the way was unnecessary.  He is my best friend. He should be on my side regardless of the situation.” Darcy finally made to the bathroom door wrapped in a sheet, a massive sheet that she had to drag while he made no motion to move and just stared at her. Good.

She turned around. “Bullshit. There is no way you were after me for a year. I would have noticed. I mean you flirt with every skirt.”

“Slander and lies and not true since London.”

“London was eight months ago!”

“What do you think I was doing there? Every single week?”

“We were working in the SI London labs, what do I know? _You own the place._  I am not gonna question why you're there. _”_

“You did not notice _me_ flirting with you? _For the entire year?”_

“Kind of? Maybe? Not really… No? Sorry.” The outrage on Tony’s face was a sight to behold but  she closed the door on him regardless as she hurried to the loo.

_Well, shit, her life just got a whole lot more complicated._

 

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**Hope you enjoyed it, my Peeps =)**

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

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So, Wino, I blame you for having to update this story,

you made me want to write a one shot for you even when I knew I am incapable of just leaving it at one chapter =)

It is all for you and I hope you like it

Your help as always is much appreciated 

xxxx

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Chapter 2

 

Dealing with problems and unexpected challenges was part of an adult life. Being compassionate,  levelheaded  and realistic. Admitting, overcoming and learning from past mistakes.

 _Yeah… she was going to get there one day, but today was not that day._ Darcy thought as she watched the scenery move past. She was on a train heading upstate to visit a friend she hadn't seen since graduating from Culver. They kept in touch. Sort of. Well, they'd been speaking lately as Darcy was giving Sandy loads of advice and tips on looking for a flat.  The flat had been found and the photos were lovely and Darcy had totally invited herself over.

She still had a headache. Moral hangovers were the worst. Even when the alcohol was flushed from your system, the awful feeling stuck around.

Her regrets were many and varied. There were so many of them actually that Darcy wasn’t even concentrating on any in particular. She just generally regretted her life choices and shortsightedness.

So that adult thing where one dealt with problems? _Yeah… That didn’t go down well_. Mainly because she hadn't dealt with the problem. She had gone to the toilet, taken a piss, freaked out while she was cleaning herself up and yeah... Darcy kind of knew that Stark was trying to be nice when he'd come to check on her, but it had honestly felt like the world was out to get her, so the grand finale had turned out to be a massive argument about the night before. Darcy wasn’t proud how she had reacted. It was ugly. Stark, not to be outdone, gave as good as he got and she'd stormed out… still wrapped in the sheet.  She blamed the drink still in her system. There was a perfectly good bathrobe hanging in the bathroom. She had seen it. White and fluffy.  But no, who needed that when you could take elevator ride of shame home with Captain America, while still wrapped in a fucking sheet. Really, who wouldn’t choose that? _Anyone with a shred of common sense_.

Darcy rubbed her eyes. Why did she do it? It was like a horrible dream. She remembered drinking at some function that Stark was hosting down at the business suit. The good thing about hanging out with Stark was that she never had to pay for drinks and he was hilarious. He was exceptionally funny… She remembered laughing as he offered to go up to his place once he started losing interest in the party, which was pretty soon. It was boring. Plus she had been to the penthouse plenty of times. The place was awesome. Darcy liked to pretend that it was hers when they hung around, not that her apartment wasn’t great but…

“I am such an idiot.” The lady seated across from her gave Darcy a weird look.

The evening was great, they were having fun, they'd swung past his workshop which was just as breathtaking. Full of science but it was sexier somehow. He'd showed her some doodah that he was working on. It was interesting. They had more drinks. They were talking, laughing just generally having good fun and at one point Stark had given her this _look_ , leaned in and kissed her. Obviously Darcy being the levelheaded adult who knew that having naughty fun with the man that owned the company you were working for was asking for trouble, did not do the right thing.

_Why would I? Why would I make my own life easier? Who does that?_

Not her. That’s who. She allowed Tony _freaking_ Stark kiss her like the world was going to end, put his hands where they had no business being.

It was greed. Darcy concluded. Selfishness. Wanting to have it all. Because she had things going good for her. She had this job that she loved, a great boss and an apartment that she didn’t have to pay for. Hanging out with a witty guy when the mood struck her… So obviously she had to fuck it up in the literal sense of the word. At least the sex was good. Probably the most intense thing she had experienced in her whole life. So those ladies that slated Stark online and wherever else for being the In-Off-and-Out-guy? They were all lying. He went the distance. Couple of times over.

Darcy shifted uncomfortably as the hard seat wasn’t helping to ease the soreness. It had already been more than a day and she still felt it.

So she fucked up. Darcy wasn’t denying it. So they banged. People made those kinds of mistakes all the time. Time tested course of action was silently dress and slink out of the room so they both could pretend that it did not happen, _because it should not have happened._ But Stark’s insistence that he was making circles around her for a year, more or less, rubbed her the wrong way. Tony Stark did not run after women, especially little nobodies like her. It did not happen. He was in such a happy mood too, smiles and jokes and ordering breakfast for them as she sat on the edge of the bathtub with a wet towel in hand. She couldn’t take it. Thor knows why.

So after she made the elevator of shame ride back to her apartment she'd taken a shower and slept, wishing that it somehow would erase what happened the night before. It hadn't.

…….Flashback……

First came the flowers. Big lavish bouquet and a note ‘ _Please pick up the phone, or I am assuming it is broken.’_ Signed _T._

Next came another bouquet, this time it had a phone with it. It rang. She did not pick up.

It was followed by a pretty bracelet, that made Darcy slightly weak at the knees as it was just that gorgeous, and another note, ‘ _Please, pick up. T._ ’ She didn’t pick up and had security return the jewelry back to the sender.

By the time evening came her flat resembled a flower shop. Good thing she liked flowers. Darcy could bet that she was the talk of the Tower by the time she got her eight delivery. Great. Just great. It was what she had always wanted - people to know that she'd lapsed in judgment so bad it should have been criminal.

So the next delivery was slightly different. A fact she didn’t know until she opened her doors. This time Tony delivered the flowers himself. Darcy stood in the door wearing her ratty comfy sweatshirt dress that reached her knees, no make-up, eyes still a little red, hair a mess. He stood in a damn suit, thankfully not of the iron variety. A strange bouquet of flowers in his hand that he presented to her. Red, white and pink camellias, Darcy went a little pink in the face.

She remembered staring deftly at them before taking it against her better judgment. Why break old habits?

“You didn’t pick up, wanted make sure you’re OK.”

“You know, a little hung-over …” She should not have opened the damn door. She should not have done a lot of things.

“So, do you hate me?”

“No. What? No. _Thor, Tony_ …” Once again Darcy was reminded that softball was not what Tony Stark played. Ever.

“So what’s the deal? Is that because I came inside? I _asked_ if that was ok.” Never softball.

“Listen, Tony…” How to put it in words that she didn’t want to ever speak about it ever again without sounding like a bitch?

“I like you.” He always said the weirdest shit, it was part of the reason why she liked him.

“I fucking hope so, what will all the stuff we did last night. Thank you for the flowers.” That was the perfect opportunity to make light of the situation and _move the fuck on_.

“Well, at least you didn’t send them back.  So, was there something wrong with the phones?” he sounded just a tad bit peeved.

“No. I just didn’t feel like speaking to anyone.” What should she say? What did he want her to say? What was he really saying?

“I… _see_. We’re good, though?”

“You know what? I don’t know. Are we? I mean, why shouldn’t we be?”

“Because you punched me before leaving this morning?” That was a good point. No harm done, though.

“You compared me to other women as you tried to kiss me, what did you expect me to do?”

“I was not comparing you to other women; there is no one like you. That was what I was saying.”

“That was not how it sounded, Tony.”

“I’m-” Tony reached for her Darcy shifted slightly to step just out of his reach. “Shortstack. Please don’t do this.”

“What?”

“ _This_.” Darcy tried again to move aside as Tony stepped closer to her this time being faster. “Please? I didn’t mean to come onto you so strong. I-” Why did he always have to smell so good? Tony gently cupped her face with his hands his face serious. “- thought that we were going to have breakfast together.”

“Before or after having sex again?”

“After.” Darcy gritted her teeth and looked down the corridor.

“Hey. Is that Rogers?”

As soon as Tony turned to have a look and opened his mouth to say something Darcy took a sharp step back slamming the door in his face, that snapped back to her at the move.

She was going to keep the flowers, she thought resentfully as Tony banged on her door. You could not hear what he was saying, she barely heard the banging. Those were some good doors.

The next morning she was on a train heading upstate to clear her head.

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Clearing her head worked for a day. It probably would have worked longer if Sandy had invested in some regular car maintenance and had not gotten them stranded going to her place from another town after shopping.

“You know when the light on the dashboard blinks it is not a good sign, right? Why are you even going under the hood? You don’t know anything about cars, right?”Darcy wasn’t thrilled at the situation. The day had been going pretty well. “So they are coming to tow us?”

Sandy spent the last half an hour on the phone trying to get someone to come and get them. Without much success.

“No. They get too many prank calls, they don’t come out here anymore… I will try Andy again. The connection is shit…”

“Is that your ex? The Douche Anderson?” Sandy just nodded looking miserable and Darcy sighed. “Let me give a try on the information number see if I will have more luck.” One could debate if she had more luck or not as instead of general information board she got connected straight to Jarvis.

“Good evening, Ms Lewis. How may I help you?”

“Uh, I, hi, Jarvis. I need some information.” So if she redialed would she still get Jarvis. Darcy looked at her spanking new StarkPhone that Stark got her few months ago. Yes, she probably would still get Jarvis. Shit.

“I will be happy to supply it.”

“I need a number for a Towing company near me, or a mechanic.”

“Are you stranded, Ms Lewis? ” Jarvis was way smarter than people gave him credit for.

“Pretty much. Need someone to help us out. Neither I nor Sandy know much about cars.” It was getting dark and the prospect of getting stuck wasn’t appealing.

“I have locked onto your location, help will be arriving shortly. Please remain in your car if it is safe to do so. Do you wish to keep this channel open till the help arrives?”

“No, I am good. Listen,” Darcy wasn’t going to jump to conclusions, but she had a call at least once an hour the whole day yesterday that she ignored and she deleted all text without reading. “It is not Tony is it?” She felt silly saying that.

“It is not Sir, no, Ms Lewis.”

“That’s good.” She should really feel less disappointed at that.

“Colonel Rhodes is in the area on a training exercise.” Darcy looked at Sandy who was still trying to guess what was wrong with the car.

“ _Okay_ … Shit, Okay. _Jarvis_ , I need a tow truck, not extraction from the war zone.” She kind of gave Sandy some details about her life but none of them included the fact that she banged Tony Stark, the official version was that it was another scientist from adjacent lab and that she did not really know anyone important or famous. Iron Patriot showing up would kind of mess that up.

“Colonel Rhodes is an engineer and has dabbled in mechanics. He has just confirmed his estimated arrival time to be 9 minutes.”

“Can I cancel please? We are good here. I will get it sorted somehow.” She did not need this.

“You have stated that you are stranded, your location is designated as dangerous due to recent carjacking attempts, in the interest of your safety I must insist that Colonel Rhodes assist you.”

“…Thanks, Jarvis.”

“Please remain in the vehicle until Colonel Rhodes arrives, Ms Lewis. Do not open the door and please contact me immediately if you deem yourself to be in danger.”

“Thanks, Jarvis…” Well... It could have been worse.

“You are most welcome, Ms Lewis. I have also updated Sir of your situation.” Darcy closed her eyes as she hung up.

_Life just continued to be complicated._

 

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**So, Peeps, here I go again, being taken hostage by the ferocious plot bunnies.**

**Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed it!**

 


	3. Chapter 3

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Wino,

Thank you for taking the time to do this 

Much appreciated =)

xxx

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Chapter 3

 

Darcy stood with her eyes closed for a few minutes. _Well… that went her peace of mind._

“So, did you get through to someone? I could try Andy again-” Maybe they should have gone with the douche. _Bloody Stark tech_.

“Yeah, I did. _So._ Help is coming.” Now came the part that she hated. Pretending to be a fully functioning adult that had reasons for the shit she did. Lying creatively while on the go. That what it was.

“You don’t sound convinced.” Sandy eyed her suspiciously and Darcy had to admit that she indeed wasn’t showing great confidence at the moment.

“Oh, he is coming.” How to break the news better? That was the question. “So... remember that guy I told you about?”

“The hot science dude you run out on?”

“I did not run out on him _.”_ She'd left before Tony had a revelation and tossed her out himself. It was called being _responsible_.

“Totally did.” Sandy wasn’t having it.

“Totally did _not_. I did _not_.”

The blond gave her a skeptic look and shrugged as they got back in the car. It was getting colder and darker and there was no point in standing outside, what with the news of attempted carjacking. _Uh…_ Well, on one side it was not an issue.

 “ _The Nile, my dear,_ and you are neck deep in it. You better know how to swim. Until you slept with him it sounded like you liked him just fine. Wait. Is that him coming?”

“Oh, thank Thor, no. It's actually a friend of his. James. Basically it is his best pal. And I really need a massive favor from you. ” Darcy hated asking for favors. You always, sooner or later had to return them.

“You want me to pretend like I am your girlfriend and we are madly in love?” Had it really been that easy she would be totally have been fine with it.

“No. He knows that I am not gay. I need you _to keep your cool_.”

“...Is he like, really hot or something?” Sandy perked up a little at that thought. The woman was unable to stay single. Which would have been fine if she didn't pick total wankers every single time. Sandy’s bad taste in men was only outmatched by her own poor taste.

“He is quite good looking, but that is not the point. Just stay cool and collected. You don’t need to do anything else.”

Her friend nodded. “We studied together, I think I can manage to handle whatever he throws at me. Drinks on me this evening if he is cute.  And you are being weird. What are you not telling me?” Apart from the poor taste in men her friend was not blind.

 _So many things_ , Darcy thought, _so so many things._

There was noise outside that kept increasing, as if a low flying aircraft was approaching and Sandy laughed to lighten the suddenly tense atmosphere.

“Is it a _bird_? Is it a p _lane_?”

“Actually, it is Iron Patriot.” Sandy found Darcy’s reply hilarious and the brunette watched her friend laugh out loud. She wished she was joking so she could laugh along instead of feeling sweat roll down her back. Trying to keep her life in the Tower on the low proved to be a struggle, but she knew how the world worked and becoming part of the media circus was not something that she wanted.

“Gods, I missed you after you went off to work for that crazy doctor lady and gallivanting around the world.” The noise got closer and from personal observations Darcy could about guess that Colonel Rhodes was very close now. And she wasn’t wrong. Sandy’s face kind of froze with an open mouth as they both watched Iron Patriot coming in for a soft landing several meters in front of the car.

“Darcy. _Darcy_. Iron Patriot just landed.  He is coming over _. Oh my god… What the Hell?”_

“So, he is a really nice guy actually. _Very_ down to Earth. Great sense of humor.” Darcy tried to sound as casual as she could manage under the disbelieving eyes of her friend.

“ _That is the help you called_? The Iron Patriot?”

“ _No_. I called a friend and he just called James ‘cause he was nearby. Which was very nice of him; to come and try to help us.” The hydraulic noises from the suit were getting closer and Sandy was gripping the steering wheel like James was the bad guy, her eyes glued him. 

“Who the hell did you hook up with then? _Iron Man?”_ The man in a massive painted armored suit was next to the passenger doors and tapped on window gently. Darcy grimaced at Sandy as she rolled the window down. At least something in this damn car worked. Sandy's eyes widened. “You did not _… Please tell me you did not, Darcy.”_

“Repair service for stranded ladies in need, reports for duty. Hey, Darcy.” Having he passive mask greeting her cheerfully was always slightly strange.

“ _Careful_ , you are catching the funnies. Hey, James. This is Sandy.” Iron Patriot nodded politely as he acknowledged the driver of the car. He probably had her file rundown while he walked over to them. Assessing the situation, estimating potential threat levels and all that.

“Hi.” Sandy could run her mouth but dealing with famous people was not a thing she was good at. Neither was Darcy at this point.

“Pleasure, ma’am. So what is the problem?”

“We can’t turn it on.” She drove and she was getting real good at fixing Jane’s stuff, but an actual car was not a thing that she ever had to fix personally.

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?”

“Two jokes in a row? You're on a roll, Jamie boy.” The face plate disconnected and went up to reveal a grinning face.

“Can you please pop the hood open for me, Ms Donavan? I will have a look. _Jarvis, please bring up the schematics of this Ford. Thanks._ Right. No, Darcy. Stay inside. It is getting cold and you are not dressed too warmly. I will call if I need a hand.” Sandy didn’t even manage to formulate a verbal reply and just did what she was asked.

“It is not that cold, you know.” Darcy made a token protest. She hated the cold, but since he was helping them it was only polite so offer some help even if it was just in a form of moral support. James was a good guy.

“Nah. Tony says you can’t handle anything below 68F. I think his workshop had been the warmest it has ever been these six months. I forgot how many times I had to wear thermal underwear there. So thanks for that.” _And a total a-hole. What the Hell?_ Sandy was staring at her. She should have known that people spending this much time with Tony ‘ _no manners’_ Stark were no better.

“Maybe you should try wearing something on top of those undies, _I hear it helps_!” Only a rude hand gesture indicated that the man heard her as he disappeared behind hood.

They actually sat in silence for quite some time watching as the sky got dark outside, the radio playing in the background, until Sandy couldn’t take it anymore.

“Oh, wow. _Wow_.” Darcy wanted to flip the blonde off as it was clear that she wasn’t complimenting her.

“It is no big deal.” It was no big deal, there was no proof that Tony actually did that for her benefit. He could as well just been feeling cold. People got cold all the time. It meant nothing.

“Yeah, _no big deal._ I was married for four years, wasn’t allowed to come _near_ the thermostat.” _Well, picking controlling assholes resulted in that_ , Darcy thought snidely, feeling defensive. But then felt guilty for that.

“Listen, Sandy-”

“Have you gone fucking insane?” The hiss was low but forceful and Darcy startled a little at the change of tone.

“I-”

“Tony _Iron Man_ Stark. Of all the men on this planet to hook up _with!_ ” Sandy took a few deep breaths to calm herself. It was clear that she wanted to box Darcy’s ears at a much higher volume than the one she could achieve due to the present iron armor clad helper.

“No one knows. Ok, _nearly_ no one-” Captain America did, but she was pretty sure he wasn’t going to shout from the rooftop that he had seen her doing the walk of shame. He was a good guy like that. Or at least she really hoped for that. The entire drama of the following day was already bad enough.

“Somebody always knows. _You know that_. There is no such thing as a _perfect secret_.” She didn’t care for her secret to be perfect as long as it didn’t find its way on the front pages world over.

“Tony is single, been for nearly two years, so it is not like-”

“ _It doesn’t matter!_ Tony Stark is Tony _fucking_ Stark, you are _basic pay Poli Sci_. Celebrities and models had their entire lives dragged through dirt if they got involved with him. Do you have even the faintest idea what the press will do to _you_? They will shovel the shit on you until you drown in it! Stark has been keeping a low profile lately, less scandals and more mature decisions. The works. The speculations are going _wild_. Every single gossip column these days starts with either guesswork that Stark got a secret love child-“

“Tony doesn’t have kids, he had his balls tied when he was twenty.” The remark only earned her a glare.

“Or that he is dying from some rare STD-” she read that too, out loud to Tony few days back when he dropped in to have lunch with her. They both found it hilarious in a totally not hilarious way.

“Not true either, he is in excellent physical form.”

“Well, you would know. Darcy, you are smart. You didn’t sleep around with the guys back in _college_. You were always the smart one. How did you think that doing that was _a good idea_?”

“I don’t know, we were both drunk, he was hot _and_ funny-”

“Dumbest reason that I have ever heard. _You know how this works. Darcy, fuck, girl, this must be...”_  Sandy somehow managed to collect herself and not sound so panicked. “ Listen, just play it cool, avoid talking to him and wait for it to blow over-”

The knock the driver’s window was loud and sudden making them both jump. Sandy in her current mood was geared up to tell the person off, even if it was the Iron Patriot. It wasn’t. It was Tony Stark smiling at her.

“ _Shit_.” Sandy was once again struck mute and Darcy swallowed as Tony indicated for the blonde to lower the window.

“Hi.” Holy moly why was he here? Didn’t he, like, have like places to be?

“Ladies, your _first choice_ mechanic would like to ask you attempt to start the engine again. Turn the key in the ignition, Blondie. Yes,  you, in the driver’s seat.” The grin Tony was giving her friend indicated that he heard at least some off their conversation. “Shorty, you good?” Was she good? Probably not. Tony very slowly looked her over and Darcy could have sworn that she felt the weight of his eyes.

“Yeah, waiting for the proud protectors of our noble nation to show that they are indeed worth their salt.” Tony grinned at her and straightened as he gave a shout to his friend.

“You hear that, Iron Fanny-?”

“Iron _Patriot_! _For the love of Christ,_ Tony, will you let that _go_?! For the last time I did not have a say in it!” That was an ongoing argument and the proud creator of said armor couldn’t get over the renaming.

“Iron Patriot sounds like Roger's bosom buddy.”

“You're not one to talk, Flying Iron Health Hazard. Besides, just because James now sometimes works with Captain does not mean you have to be jealous.” Darcy remarked.

“ _Thank you_ , Darcy.” James winked at her.

Prematurely. “I am sure James still loves you best. You two hands down have the bromance of the _decade_.” And that was the payback for the little comment earlier. Both men crouched a little to have a better look  into the car, where Sandy sat looking horrified at the attention and Darcy’s banter with actual real life superheroes.

“You know I am helping you here, right?” James nodded for emphasis and Darcy shrugged, still very much aware of Tony’s eyes glued to her.

“Yes, he is helping you, Shortstack. Which I have no problem with and I am absolutely not bothered by the fact that you did not let me know that you got yourself stranded in the middle of the shittiest part of the state.” _Bloody Jarvis_. Tony sounded like he minded that very much and Darcy winced.

“Yes, Darcy, he is not at all offended or disappointed. How do I know that? Because he spent the last 20 minutes doing my head in being very vocal about it over the com.”

“I might have merely stated it a few times.” Tony did not merely state things. He whined and bitched and drove people mad.

“Darcy, do me a favor, pet his head, or whatever you do to calm him down when he starts aggravating people ?”

Sandy chose the most inappropriate time to show signs of life and her highly inappropriate sense as she seemingly couldn’t take the information overload regarding her friend.

“Which head? I heard she's got options now.”

Darcy did not know where to put her eyes. Or her hands. She stammered, too shocked to word her outrage properly. Out of the corner of her eye she still caught Tony staring at her and James grin suddenly as the news sunk in.

“Oh, _really_? Darcy's got _options_ now, Tony? When did that happen?” Rodney looked genuinely happy as Tony still wore that unreadable expression. She totally should deny what Sandy just said. For both of their sake.

“The other night.” _Fucking shit, Sandy, throw me under the fucking bus why don’t you?_ With her tongue tied in knots Darcy just made some vague noises.

“What do you know? Rogers did not lie about you rocking a sheet back home after all.”

_That-! Captain Truth and Justice my as-!_

 

 

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**Well, the story seems to be coming along =)**

**Let me know what you think! Help me keep the plot bunnies happy =)**


	4. Chapter 4

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**Wino,**

**Hope the pesky cold will be over soon and**

**as always you are awesome =)**

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Chapter 4

 

“What do you know? Rogers did not lie about you rocking a sheet back home after all.”

 _That-! Captain Truth and Justice my as-! How am I supposed to handle that now?!_ And Tony needed to stop staring at her like she was a bug under the microscope. It was not helping her. All still and silent. That was why she left the Tower and headed upstate, so she wouldn’t have to see _that_. To see the regret. Darcy wanted to go back to where they were, where she could just rock up to him be sassy and snazzy. Now what was she supposed to do?

“Maybe Popsicle Man should mind his own damn business for a change. Lets get this show on the road, shall we, Rhodey?” Tony exclaimed rhetorically. The look that Colonel Rhodes got did not encourage further discussions on the topic and the happy smile from Rhodey’s face vanished. “Shorty, you sure you're not cold? Got anything to put on?” How did he manage to sound pissed off _and_ casual and somewhat caring? Where there lessons that she could take?

“I’m good. Hopefully we will be going soon-” Yeah, if it looked like she was shivering it was the nerves. The damn nerves that felt on fire from his proximity.

“Turn the heater on.” As if it was that easy, Darcy couldn’t stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“They can’t, Tony. Not until we fix the car.” Tony glanced inside just to confirm it that indeed the vehicle was that kind of old and crappy. Well, she wasn’t going to deny, driving his new model prototypes was cool. She was going to miss it.

“Blondie is dressed for the arctic winter, how come you aren't? You usually have a sweater or three in your bag.” Tony did not know what backing off meant. Darcy was beginning to think that it was genetic, what with his old pops sounding like he had been a right dick, according to Tony, on those few, very drunk occasions that he had mentioned the man.

“The forecast was good.” She tried lamely.

“...You forgot.” _Okay, so she was in a rush when she left the Tower, he did not need to bring that up_.

“We didn’t plan to be stuck out here.”

Tony unzipped his leather jacket and shrugged it off . Darcy made a valiant attempt not to stare at the muscles that moved under the long sleeved top, or the soft glow of the arc reactor, or the look he gave her when he handed it to her.

“Here.”

“No, I, really…” This was awkward. James was staring, Sandy was staring. Everyone was uncomfortable and of course everyone did not include Tony who just walked round the car to open the door and plop the garment onto her lap.

“Darcy, it is not a gift, just keep it on for a bit.” So he did notice that she returned his gifts.

“Thanks, Tony.” The soft words must have taken the man by surprise as he froze with her door still open. “Can we sit in your car instead?” The laugh was loud and sudden. So was the kiss as Tony got hold of her chin and pressed lips to her just to recoil as suddenly, hissing. He licked his bottom lip where Darcy had bit him, albeit gently. Tony Stark was the ultimate drama llama.

“I think not.”

“Tony! _Jesus_. Darcy, you ok?”  Rhodey was a good egg, Darcy concluded as she wiped her mouth. Not like smug ass Tony. And Sandy looked like she'd turned to stone, the woman was so still. Well, at least she wasn’t throwing Darcy under the bus, because that wasn’t nice. “Let the girls-”

“One of these girls got an authorization to start my car.  So that is a no for me.” One thing that you could not accuse Tony Stark of being was stupid.

“Darcy wouldn’t-”

“Leave me stranded? ” At that point Darcy had pulled the jacked up to her nose. It smelled like good cologne. Rich and musky. Just like his sheets did, except there was scent of them mixed in from the night before. Why was she doing it to herself again?  “Oh, she would. Ride right into the moon-rise at this time of night. Flip me off while doing it too. Isn’t that so, my sassy little Harpy?”

“Iron-Ass.” As she hid behind the jacket giving Tony some side eye, Darcy could feel one of  his hands slowly  sneaking under it to find hers _._

 _Oh … Thor almighty…  what should I do? whatshouldIdowhatshouldIdo!?_ His fingers laced through hers and squeezed, gently. It felt like an apology. Not for the kiss, but for before, for…  _That was the time to finish it. Finish it off._ The hand, she could feel calluses that Tony had from constantly working with heavy machinery. She always liked his hands. Ever since that one time when he simply wrapped them around her after she got some really shitty news back in London… they were strong, good hands… and Tony just held her close for what seemed like hours…

It was a peace offering, an olive branch with just a tiny bit of hope… so many things packed in a simple gesture. All those simple things would complicate her life to the extreme because Tony Stark did not do simple. So she should really make clear what she thought of all those things that he was not really implying and she was desperately trying not to notice. So Darcy squeezed back. Strong. He matched it and let go. Darcy in her usual fashion was going to pretend that those sharp brown eyes did not get a glint to them and that his smile was not less tense.

_I should put myself in a voluntary solitary confident for mentally ….what the fuck am I doing?!_

“Oh, yeah, babe, you would totally strand me.”

“Can you blame me?” The shivers and that little croakiness  in her voice was all the cold. _It really was_.

“Yes?”

“Well… tough titties, I don’t care. And shouldn’t you be making yourself useful, _for a change_ , and attempting to un-strand us?” Why did he have to stand so close to her? All manner of things could come unbidden into a girl’s mind from being on the receiving end of such a focused attention.

“ _For a change_? Did you just call me useless?” Tony’s ego, as always was his most vulnerable place.

“Since I am not seeing you doing anything, yes?”

“I personally fixed the coffee machine on your lab floor _just this week.”_ Yeah, that was weird. Darcy preferred to think of it as caffeine deficiency induced hallucination.

“I don’t see how you spending your free time freaking people out got anything to do with me.”

“You woke me up at five in the _morning_ to complain that you couldn’t get your fix! The security should mind their own business.”

“You disconnected power for the entire floor, they were a little concerned. Besides and first of, woke you up? Please. You hadn’t  gone to bed yet. Second, it was five in the morning, who else was I supposed to call? Third, took you an hour to show up. _An hour. What were you doing?”_

“Have you ever thought of calling the maintenance if anything breaks? You know the people that get paid to fix shit around the Tower? And I took a shower, I had been working the entire night.” What was she supposed to say to that? Tony Stark by default did not show consideration for others and she should have not been an exception. That was why she lasted so long around the man. She did not think of herself as special. She did not dwell on things that Tony did. She just moved on. It was easier…

“Well, thanks for that. Getting a good scrub is approved, got to say that you do not smell of roses after an allnighter.”

“Welcome, thought of you the entire time.” Darcy probably would have come up with a witty come back eventually but Tony winked at her slammed the door shut before motioning for the Iron Patriot to join him in the front.

“You are in so much trouble.” Sandy should have remained mute as Darcy slowly turned to face her friend and tried not to explode, for a number of reasons.

“ _Fuck you_ , Sandy. Your opinion is noted just like the fact _that you threw me under the oncoming traffic_.”

“He’s hot.”

“No shit, Sherlock. I-”

“I have never seen a more intense eye fuck before. It wasn’t even for me and my ovaries are going haywire. He was good, wasn’t he?”

“I told you already.” Darcy was not going to go into that again, her own ovaries had very much noticed the heated look Tony was giving her during their little banter session. If she hadn’t known better, she would have thought that it was turning him on. Which was absurd.

“Yes, but I didn’t know it was _Tony Stark_. Sleeping with him, by the way, was still the height of stupidity. And I think he hates me.” Yeah, Tony did not look kindly at her friend, Darcy had to admit that, but to herself though.

“Don’t flatter yourself. Tony is a dick to everyone _indiscriminately_. I think he is on a third PA in the last four months. People should really not take that personally.” Darcy had to say that the PA before last was a bit of a bitch so that wasn’t much of a loss.

“I bet he asked you to be his PA-”

“Never, and I would have never agreed.” Mainly because she would have ended up killing him. Darcy had been around Tony long enough to know that he hated doing the small things... like having  responsibility for his own actions, meetings and paperwork.

“Not tempted to work for the man that has the hots for you so bad he fixes communal coffee machines on request? At five in the morning?”

“It was six by the time-”

“You got Tony Stark, _Iron Man_ , just pop down and fix stuff for you at the drop of a hat? How are you not yet all over the papers?”  Because she wasn’t that stupid. She kept their interactions private where it was possible. Poli-Sci studies gave her a good understanding of how scandals worked and she had no ambition to be a part of one, no matter how small.

“Because it is not big deal? He did not go down on me in the middle of the public hallway-” He did that in private. Darcy had to take a moment as the very vivid memory of wickedly smiling Tony while on his knees threw her off kilter.

“I hope that you realize, that him going down would be less of a basis for a gossip than him playing the handy man? He is a multi-billionaire, do you know how many zeros that is? He owns-, wait what were you doing at work at five in the morning? Did you sleep there? Wait. What did the other Iron Dude say? You were seen by Captain America, _ok that must have been embarrassing_ , going home in a sheet. _You live there_?” Well, that took a while. Sandy was not the brightest bulb sometimes.

 “Can you not make a big deal out of it? It was part of the contract.” It was. After Tony added it out of the blue at the last minute. Which was in no way odd.

“It must cost you-”

“It doesn’t.”

“It is rent _free_?” Darcy nodded as she tried to make out what the guys in the front were doing. “I hate you. Well, I don’t but… shit. Girl, give it a good thought about what you are doing. That was some intense looks he gave you. ”

“He did _not_.”

“He is out in a middle of nowhere fixing a car for you.” Sandy deadpanned unhelpfully.

“Tony is not a bad guy, you know-”

“You know,” Sandy mocked her by imitating the offhand tone of voice that Darcy tried to maintain, “The way I see it, it will end in one of two ways, _bad_ and you will have to change your name and move to another country, _or worse_ you will end up with him somehow, married probably.”

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**Hey Peeps! So how was it? Good? Bad? Getting there? Let me know and help feed the plot bunnies! =)**


	5. Chapter 5

 

 

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**Wino**

**You, as always, are amazeballs**

**and your help is much appreciated**

**xx** x

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Chapter 5

 

 

 

“You know,” Sandy mocked her by imitating the offhand tone of voice that Darcy tried to maintain, “the way I see it, it will end in one of two ways: _badly,_ and you will have to change our name and move to another country, _or worse,_ you will end up with him somehow... married, probably.” _Well, that sounded cheerful._ Darcy glared at her friend.

“Like _how_? Marching him down the aisle at gun point? _Don’t be daft_.” It would have sounded more convincing if she didn’t have her nose in Tony’s jacket. “He is nice, you know...”

“Nice? Oh, I know. _Everyone_ knows. Let’s get one thing straight, Darcy. The list of women that he has slept with could go around the Equator. Twice. How many of them has he seen twice? _None_. That's not even mentioning the fact that you have the man on speed dial.” Well, so her situation was complicated; that was hardly a surprise.

“I do not have him on spee-” The very suggestion was preposterous. She hadn't called Tony or James for that matter. It had been all Jarvis’s idea. Nothing to do with her. At all.

“ _Blondie_! Ignition!”

Sandy nearly banged her head on the roof, jumping when the shout came from the front of the car.

“Yes! A _second_!” Darcy held her breath as the key was turned. Silence followed.  “Damn it.” That was disappointing. She leaned closer the window.

“ _Boooo_!” Maybe they could walk… It looked like it was going to take a while.

“ _What was that?”_  Tony was at her door in a flash. There was a smudge of grease on his cheek and the long sleeves were rolled up past the elbows. Someone was  clearly working and didn’t like their efforts, even if they were failed, mocked.

“I said _Booooy try harder_.”

“That was not what you said, Shorty.” That nickname needed to die. Like, last month.

“ _Ya know_ , you're not exactly Steve Rogers-”

“Of course not, I have a dick.” Trust Tony Stark to make everything somehow about him and his _junk_.  Darcy covered her eyes for a second as she attempted to keep a straight face. There might have been snickers from Sandy at that, she wasn’t sure, it might have come from outside.

“Well, so does he.”

“Debatable.” Making fun of Rogers was always Tony’s guilty pleasure. He wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“I am _pretty sure_ he comes equipped with one.” Not that Darcy thought much of him right now, not when he had announced everyone what he had seen, namely her in a sheet.

“Or so the legend has it. Have you seen it?” Was this really happening? Was she, Darcy Lewis, really  sitting in a broken down car with Tony Stark leaning on her open window as they debated Captain America’s manhood? Plus, Tony was looking way too smug and Darcy couldn’t stop herself from throwing the man a curve ball just to kick him off balance for a second.

“Yes, _very_ reasonably sized.” The smug-ass smile froze and Darcy cackled, on the inside though, as she maintained the steady eye contact. The thing with Tony Stark was that he could lie. That or he could look like he was lying when he told the absolute truth, or make an outrageous lie sound like the one and only most legitimate fact you have ever heard. Except there were tells. All you needed was to know where to look and Darcy had _no idea where to even begin_. So she played by ear.

“You have _not_ seen Cap’s package.” The artificial light from inside car gave Tony’s face this strange nearly demonic glow. _Well, he is one handsome devil_ , Darcy had to admit that, there was what felt like a standing ovation from her ovaries.

“What? Did you feel special there for a second?”  That was her thing. Being stupid. Trying to put out fire by adding fuel to it. Given, creating an explosion that incontrovertibly obliterates everything around, was also a way to put out said fire in a pure Darcy Lewis style. Because that was what was happening. Tony Stark shifted and the casualness was gone in a blink of an eye. 

“When… when did _that_ happen?” There was even a sniff to indicate how off hand and not really important the question was. Except the sound of Tony's voice wasn’t matching the look he had and Darcy understood that she'd taken it a step too far. She felt like slapping herself. So naturally, just to make sure, she took another one in the same direction.

“What? _Jealous_ , hot stuff?”

“Should I be?” It was not a hiss. Not really. Because surely Tony Stark did not smile like he wanted to punch someone. So the only thing Darcy had achieved was throw herself of balance.

 _‘Holy… Have you even heard of soft ball, Tony?! Have you?! Ease into it, do not fucking throw me of the Thor dammed  cliff!_ ’ The brown eyes, dark and sharp were focused. Drilling into her. Intense didn’t even cover it. What should she say? She needed to end this topic, like, now.

“It is a free country, Tony. Knock yourself out.”

“You got that covered already. Just to be clear, this is a free country, who am I to judge? So... it was before? Right?”

“Before what?” Before lunch? Before Christmas?

“Us.”

“ _Fuck off_.” Good thing she was sitting, Darcy thought because… ‘ _Oh Thor, what is wrong with him? What us? What the fuck? What? There is no us! Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck!’_ Also she has started to swear too fucking much lately.

“No.” The answer was flat and accompanied with a raised eyebrow.

“I was not _asking_! I-” She killed and gutted her common sense the night she had decided that sleeping with number one playboy on the planet was a good idea, it was time to drag the last remnants of it to the woods and hope that she would never need it again.  Like now, for example.

“Lets do it in private, shall we?” Before she could answer with another poorly thought out come back, _and didn’t she have plenty of those dropping from her tongue tonight,_ Tony was back with Iron Patriot.

“Darcy… I… Do you want me to call the Police?” Sandy sounded shook. Iron Man had that effect on you. People could rarely handle Tony when the man decided that he wanted something. Darcy, who herself didn’t feel particularly capable of it, gave the woman what she thought was a reassuring look.

“And tell them what? That your friend is having a hissy fit with Iron Man? Besides, I am fine-”

“The world does not turn around his dick, Darcy. He can’t make you go-“ That was actually charming, Darcy admitted, mainly because Sandy’s pale face contradicted the bravado.

“Acoustics, _Samantha_.” Both Darcy and Sandy startled as the sharp voice drifted to them and the less than amused Tony Stark appeared next to Darcy again. “The sound carries surprisingly far here, in the middle of nowhere, in the dead of the night. Also I do not appreciate what you are implying-”

“Tony, don’t-” James also joined them in an attempt to disperse some of the tension that reared its ugly head or just calm Tony down, whichever came first.

“No, I had enough of that. I like her, ok? What _is_ the problem? Why does fucking everyone and their dog keep insisting on putting their noses in this? I am not robbing the cradle. None of you have any idea what we are like together. ” Darcy knew. Not that the statement was aimed at her, but she did know. Funny enough it was dawning on her only now that she knew a whole lot more than she was supposed to for a casual acquaintance. Plus she had actually seen his package, up close and personal. Very close and very personal… _and why was she doing this to herself_? _Why? Just why?_

“You sound like you ship us.” Lighten up the mood. That what they needed, to lighten up the mood and stop Tony looking so peeved. They weren’t fighting. No one wanted a conflict.

“Ship, sail, plane, _rocket_. I thought I had made it obvious by now. And get out of the car we are going back to the Tower.”

“That is what you think.” It was not _obvious_! How was she supposed to know how spoiled billionaire superheroes behaved day to day? “Besides Sandy-” Darcy was not leaving her friend stranded, some of her stuff was at Sandy’s new flat.

“Blondie, _ignition_!” This time when the key turned there was coughing from the engine as they all tensed and the car was back in action. While it not being a smooth purr, it was finally running.

“What if it breaks again?”

“Rhodey has just volunteered to supervise the trip.” The Iron Patriot gave a halfhearted salute in reply as he lowered the hood and winked.

“I live to serve. Or be Tony’s wing man. One of the two.”

“I hope you get paid double, it sounds like hard work.”

“Don’t you worry, Honeybunny, I make it worth his while. Now-”

“Thanks for the help.” Tony yanked the door open before Darcy managed to close the window.

“I am not kidnapping you, you little harpy. I just want _to talk._ ” He sounded serious, and a bit hurt. Darcy swallowed. This was why she'd tried to avoid him. She wanted to play safe with her feelings. Talking with Tony about stuff that they should not have done would only lead to _not playing safe_.  At all. Sandy looked like she was quietly having a stroke and Darcy cleared her throat. There was really no point in making others to suffer with her. They might as well just get it over with especially since Tony looked like dog with a bone. And there was going to be fewer witnesses to the messy scene as opposed if he cornered her in the Tower. Yeah, minimizing the damage. That was a way to go.

“Fine. You are sending someone to collect my things in that case.”

“ _Sold_. Blondie, do not call the police. Would hate to sue you for harassment.” Darcy groaned as she got out the car and took the bag from the back seat.

“Tony, don’t be a dick.”

“Too late.”

Darcy flipped him off as she waved  goodbye to a still frozen Sandy.

“Text me when you get home, ok?”There was no nod, just a wide eyed stare from the woman. _Right_. How many times a day could Darcy regret her life choices? She must have reached the limit by now. Surely.

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Darcy for the hundredth time that day marveled at her own stupidity.

“A year. _An entire year_.” Also at Tony’s capacity to whine without stopping.

“Oh, _fuck off_.” What was wrong with her brain? Was the severely impaired judgment a sign of declining mental health? Brain tumor maybe? It took her quite a few hours to get where Sandy lived and they went even further out for the shopping. So they were hours and hours away from NYC. You could be hours away from the Tower when you were in the City, let alone when you were upstate. And being the special little snowflake that she was she had decided that being in a small confined space for hours with the man she was trying to avoid, was a brilliant idea. Maybe she needed to up her vitamin intake? Was her brain starved for essential nutrition?

“I created the program for Foster from scratch-”

“You said you had it laying around! _You_ made it sound like it was no big deal. You can’t blame me for that. Besides I bought you coffee as a thank you. Please keep your eyes on the road when you are driving.”

“I am not driving. It is on autopilot.” Tony and his fancy cars. Both were doing her head in at the moment. At least she knew it was irrational to be mad at the car.

“It's freaking me out.”

“Ok. So during the five months that we shared lab in London, _not once_ , you wondered how come I was _always_ there?”

“No? I don’t know? You are a _Stark_ those were _Stark_ Industries’ main labs! It made sense for you to utilize them. Besides, when we first met you you didn’t even speak to me for what before we transferred there? A month?”

“In my defense Foster threatened to cut my cock off, in exactly those words, if I spoke to you.”

“She did?” That was news to Darcy.

“Could you not sound so pleased? _She is vicious_.”

“Yes. But did she really? That is so sweet.”

“Not the thought I had when she pressed the business end of the cutter knife between my legs.” Darcy felt like she was melting inside. Thor Bless her Boss-Lady.

“Awww, really?” Jane could be so sweet sometimes _, in her own special way of course._

“You do realize that was an assault with a deadly weapon, right?” Tony didn’t look like he agreed with her.

“Do you have to ruin the moment, Tony? Last I checked everything was still there.”

“Wanna check again just to make sure?”

In his typical Tony Stark fashion the man did not let an opportunity pass him by. Darcy somehow managed not to laugh or smile right up the point where she glanced at him and saw the filthiest smile anyone had ever given her. Her lady parts were voting in favor of whatever was offered. It felt like she was her own worst enemy.

“Oh, Thor…”

“You know, while I have no problem with you calling on a deity of your choice can it please not be Point Break when we have sex? Since we both know him and he is made of actual flesh and blood?” There was a moment of mortified silence as Darcy processed it.

“I did not…” Tony coughed couple of times before answering.

“You did, couple of times, which I get, and don’t mind in the least, slightest bit… too much, at some point in time after the fact.”

“Oh, God, Tony…” There was no memory in her head of her doing that. But it was more of a habit now so it very well could have been true.

“Yes, now that is so much more pleasing to the ear and the special occasion appropriate. Wanna practice?”

 

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**Hello Peeps! Hope you are liking the new chapter =)**

**Please feed the plot bunnies and help me stay inspired, let me know what you think of it!**

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

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**Wino,**

**You are fabulous =)**

**and so is the work that you do**

**it is much appreciated**

**xxx**

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Chapter 6

 

So, getting into a confined space for a prolonged journey with the man that you were desperately trying to avoid? _Not a brilliant move on my part,_ Darcy concluded as she reflected on the journey back NYC.

The journey was long, and she wasn’t even referring to the time required. They had to catch a car ride and then a helicopter. Darcy liked helicopter rides, the only downside being that the nice pilot dude was treated to Tony’s unceasing lecture on road safety that he just couldn’t let go of. It was like listening to a record on repeat. The statistics he used abundantly made Darcy think of never going on the round again.

“Will you let it go? Tony, please.” Darcy was tempted to open the helicopter door and shove him out, he probably would suit up before hitting the ground head on anyway… She was nearly certain of that.

“You could have been hurt, Darcy. Did you even think of that?”

“ _Of course,_ _not._ It's not a thought that occurs in the head of a woman stranded in the middle of bum-”

“Why did you even get into that car? It should not even be on the road!”

“Tony, not everyone has a fleet of swanky new cars to choose from, you know. Some people make do.”

“Blondie wants to jeopardise her own safety? Fine, I have no problem with that. Why did _you_ make do? You could have taken one of my cars!”

And they were back in square one. A couple of days ago she probably would have asked, had she planned to travel upstate. Now, on the other hand, things were a bit more complicated but Tony, being true to his ever-stubborn self, wasn’t seeing it. As if he didn’t think that things had changed.

“Because, Tony! Just because…” Because he was the man that had private helicopter pick them up when he snapped his fingers. She was a PA. Even their deeply misguided friendship was weird. The thing started because Darcy had honestly thought he was not going to stick around the SI London labs, oh, and because he didn’t look like the guy that fired people for being snarky, and because she was having one rough week.

“Because what? Us?” Maybe she should just go right ahead and throw herself out the helicopter. Darcy stared at him with wide eyes before groaning.

“Tony, don’t, please…”

“A year-”

“Let it go. Let it the fuck go, Tony.” For good measure Darcy even sang it, out of tune naturally. All it did was just to make the billionaire more irritated.

“I refuse to acknowledge-”,

“I noticed-”

“- that for a year you did not notice that I have been going out of my way-”

“You are Tony Stark and the only thing that anyone ever expects of you is you being unpredictable. You have to yet to disappoint.” Darcy was so tired now that she nearly cried when NYC came into view. She was ready to leave this flying cage that she put herself into.

“We had coffee dates.”

“We had coffee together, Tony. Not the same thing.”

“I got us coffee, we chatted. You said that you enjoyed it.” And what a lapse of judgement that was, Darcy lamented as she attempted to get a word edgeways. “Ah! Ah! Ah! Can’t deny it now. I believe precise words were ‘it’s great fun, Tony’ there were also other examples.”

“Those were mostly around two at night, Tony, and that was not what I had in mind.”

“You were back for more, Shortstack. I had to be doing something right.” Darcy was contemplating just smacking him. Just because she felt like she deserved to see him going on defensive.

“I worked there, there wasn’t much choice.”

“After hours? After you packed Foster home?” This topic wasn’t leading them anywhere good. Darcy hung around the lab, yes. Mainly it was to finish some paperwork, to ensure that all was in order. Jane was not being popular with some male scientist, the reasons being that her Boss-Lady was dedicated, accomplished professional. Yeah, they were being chauvinistic pigs. So Darcy did her best to make sure they had nothing to complain about. 

Hanging around Tony Stark was fun, if you got over the initial hostility. The man was not all smiles and scientific brilliance. He was a sharp, witty asshole and there was no second chance if you did not keep up. Many tried to do that. It was greatly entertaining to watch. Like a reality show, but cooler. Tony Stark moving into the labs next to them was awesome.  Jane wasn’t fan of Mr. Stark, which was fine, her refusal to budge about moving to NYC not so much. But Darcy persevered and they moved.

It was great. It never at any point seemed odd to Darcy that he moved right along with them back to where his actual main base was. He owned the company. She liked him being around… so she never asked.

“That is beside the point.”

“I think that is the point, Sweetheart.”

“That it was fun? Oh, fine. It was fun. I loved it. I liked the flirting, I like being appreciated, I liked that you noticed that I was busting my ass-”

“And what an ass that is.” There would have be more things that Darcy could have replied to that had they not spent together, and Tony had his hands all over her including the ass. So, she just instantly went red and sputtered, because from the crooked smile on his face Darcy could tell he was thinking the same thing too. 

“Tony…”

“What? I notice things. You flirted back, by the way, or was I mistaken?” Tony was not mistaken. Darcy glared at his smug face before glancing out the window. They were nearly at the Tower, going over the water. The evening skyline looked breath-taking. What could she say?

“So?” Not gaining much ground in their argument was getting to Mr. Confident and Darcy leaned back in her seat.

“You can’t flirt back and say no flirting took place, those are the rules, Honey.”

“Tony, you flirt with everyone.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Well, pardon me, with everyone in a _skirt_ then.”

“You rarely wear a skirt. So back to flirting-”

“What is with us flirting that you just can’t get over? Is that because it took you so long?”

“That got nothing to do with anything.”

“Tony, you are an amazing liar, but you might want to work on that one a little.” Darcy could not help herself and winked. Taking digs at one another was, no doubts, one of their favourite pastimes.

“So, I did well then?”

“I am sorry?”

“I must have, you let me take you to bed. Finally.” _What?_

“Tony, the flight of your imagination once again has taken you to another realm. Come down. I am not keeping up.”

“We hit it off, Darcy. I found the time-”

“To drive me insane? You can cut down on that now. I am on mental Asylum waiting list already.”

“To be around for you.” Darcy froze with her mouth open as she was to deny it. But there was a problem. Tony had been around. For her at least. He was just around… _Shit…_ Something in the back of her mind clicked and her mouth opened even wider for a moment before she snapped it shut. They had a conversation once. Over a drink and Chinese take-way at two on Saturday night. It revolved around the concept of what constituted a relationship, silly things like making time, Darcy bit her lip, and making the effort of being involved in each other lives. The conversation was purely Hypothetical. Purely! He knew that… right?  It was… right? Hypothetical…

_‘Holy shitsticks…’_

“Eureka moment there, Shortstack?”

“Fuck off, Stark…” Darcy could not even speak up properly.

“Hold on we are about to touch down.” There was something cool about landing on a building. They were approaching it and Darcy sighed.  All their conversations since the morning after of the unwise night before had been like this. It was unpleasant. They both felt frustrated and it showed. She watched passively as Tony checked that she still had the harness on. Maybe her stubbornness was not an answer to everything… She just felt scared. The multitude of insecurities were breeding inside her head, but every time Tony was around it was different…

“Okay, wait, I… we need to talk. And I need for you to listen, because us… this is a fucking car-crash and we need to get out of it alive. Okay?”

* * *

 

“We talked till six in the morning and you forgot?”

“Tony, it was not _like that_ -”

“Was exactly like that. Why did you think we were taking about it? We got it down to fine details-”

“You did not, I don’t know… expressed direct interest?”

“More direct? I held your hair back as you puked.” Yeah, the downside of trying to keep up with Tony Stark as he drank.

“Once.”

“Twice.”

“Big deal.”

“Good boyfriend material does that, I been told.” Darcy was about to ask by whom before snapping her mouth shut again. It was her. She told Tony Stark that she thought that was what a good man did.

“You took my word for it?”

“You responded favourably.”

“This conversation was, like, six months ago. You are not known for taking a woman for a second date. Much less remembering …. Basically, _her_ half a year down the line.”

“I dated Pepper. Actually, Technically-”

“No.”

“I got food, drinks, made you laugh by discreetly judging other people together. Dating.”

“If the bar were any lower it would be underground. It would make me in a committed relationship with my Boss-Lady. I think Thor would object. Huh, maybe object is a strong word…”

“Point Break is like a brother to you and Foster is cross between a Harpy and-”

“AND?” He better not bad mouth her Janey. The man grinned as he backtracked instantly. No one did mental pivoting like Tony Stark. It was impossible to throw the man off balance.

“She doesn’t like me and I am well aware of that. How about we skip this bit? I say we are dating.”

“I say you don’t know what dating is.” The more time went past the more surreal their nitration went. Well, if she was honest their interaction were always a little on the strange side but mostly Darcy just used to ignore it or enjoy it too much to mind the little quirks.

“Dating is derived from _date_ that means _social meeting planned before it happens, especially one between two people who have or might have_ a romantic relationship. Fits us like a glove.” Darcy finished her drink in one go before pushing her empty glass across the bar to Tony indicating that she wanted a refill. They were in the Penthouse. Having a drink. Yes, Darcy was officially being stupid again. She was too lost in their arguing to even realize they went straight to Tony’s place. After it was embarrassing to backtrack. 

“Us? Tony…”

“I like you.” Here it was again. That weird look on him that Darcy couldn’t gauge. Another cocktail was handed to her.

“You do? I mean, great. I mean, oh Thor… I told you, did I not, how much I suck at this whole-” Darcy tried drawing an abstract shape in the air as if that should have helped her describe the constant state of confusion on the topic- “relationship thing.” Overthinking played a big role there.

“I assumed that you could not be worse than me.”

“Surprise, Tony. Plus you need to bring up the topic of dating as a more than just a general topic in conversation.”

“You enjoyed-” _And here they went again!_

“I enjoy Pizza too. Seeing the delivery guy is the highlight of the evening.  Yet he does not assume we are dating.” It was clear being compared to a delivery person was not the highlight of Tony’s evening.

“We got along.”

“We are adult people.” Darcy cringed. None of them were any good at this adulting business though.  “It’s in the job description. The fact that it was genuine was an accident.”

“So it was a miscommunication then.”

“More or less. You didn’t ask.”

“You responded to all-”

“You didn’t ask, you assumed. That’s not cool. Not with me.”

“You had me chase you across the state because I forgot?”

“What chase? There was no chase. You did not have to come…. Fuck it. Yes. You are going to ruin my life and you didn’t even bring it up to me. I have certain expectations too. You were being pushy and that makes me try and run. Ok? You come with a lot of complications. I should have a say before you toss me head first into them. It is a little scary.” That was it she said it. She was human, she was scared of the massive change that would occur in her life.

 “I will make it up to you.”

“How? Tony, you are great, don’t get me wrong. It has been fun. But I don’t have billions to cushion the media’s wrath if anyone finds out we might be having a thing. There was that rumour that you were dating an Italian model some time back, you would think she was Hitler reincarnate the way the press went at her.” Sandy had a point about few things, Darcy knew that. Anyone else would had been all over the one and only Mr. Stark by now.

“I didn’t think you cared about that sort of thing.”

“About your previous dating history, or me being eternally labelled a Gold Digger?” Never hurt to specify.

“You could not care less about my dating history. They tried labelling Pep one too. Didn’t stick.”

“Because she is a CEO of Stark Industries and is a woman with an iron pair of balls on her… no pun intended.” She was not Virginia Potts, she did not have a position of power to fall back to. She rode the subway and did her own grocery shopping. One day when Jane went away with Thor to Asgard and not come back, Darcy Lewis would have to look for a job. Being Tony Stark’s fling would be more a con than an pro. Who wanted a PA or an assistant that had been all over the front pages? While being involved with Tony Stark sounded great in theory Darcy couldn’t help but take a little more pragmatic view.

“Is it too early to confess that I find your levelheadedness a mayor turn on?” Did he have to smile like that when he said those words. That was putting thoughts into her head that were highly unwelcome now.

“Yes, it is… why?”

“Why I prefer I woman that doesn’t think that my bed is the way to solve all her problems?”

“Your bed doesn’t solve problems _, it creates them more like it_. I should know.”

“It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“Your bed is great, Tony. The night was great.”

“I got the replacement for the dress.”

“What?”

“The company discontinued the model them but I found several similar designs that would suit even more elsewhere. I left them in bags just outside your door. Let me know if they fit.”

“Tony, you know it was not the dress I was upset about…” Tony indicated to the sofa as if asking if wanted to have a seat. Darcy nodded after a moment. Those bar stools were not the comfiest to sit on.

“I know… I can’t control the press. They prefer me single. Scandals sell, keeps them happy. People like Blondie buy them to judge lives they have no idea about.” And someone held grudges. Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Ok, before you start a witch hunt on my friend, her only crime is that she doesn’t want me to get hurt. A scandal does more damage when you of certain social standing and I mean I don’t have one.”

“Gold Digger is still better than a Cradle Robber.”

“You are handsome no one cares about you hitting on younger chicks. Because that is socially acceptable when you are this rich.” Double standards at its finest. Plus, Tony was never going to fully grow up and mature into the age he should be acting. And he smelled nice, Darcy thought as they sat down. Random thoughts were as always her favourite.

“So you don’t mind the media name calling that much then what?”

“I technically work for Jane, but she works for you, well, SI. Nothing good ever comes from banging your boss, I been told.” A little late for that bit of sentiment, she had to admit. Stark clearly agreed as he laughed and kissed the top of her head gently before shuffling her closer.

“And bang you did, but I am not your boss. Not that it isn’t an appealing little fantasy. Rhodey would hire you now if he could. There aren’t many PAs that are able to stay focused and professional and even less have your credentials, Shortstack.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He would of course have to do that over my dead body, because you are not going anywhere.”

* * *

 

 

Thankfully their little trip cleared some air and Tony took a step back, albeit a small one. There was nothing wrong with a little space and it did help her to put things into perspective more instead of constant focusing on the negative. It would have worked better had Tony not insisted to remain as involved in her everyday life as he had for the last several months.

Darcy woke up from constant low rumbling noise next to her. Gods, she was parched and uncomfortable. The senses were coming back. She blinked and groaned. The face felt weird and the eyes were slightly swollen. Great. She still had the make up on. _Gross_.

 So their last science bender had become drinks and they chatted which was mainly Tony trying to warm her up to the idea that they were actually dating. Surely she would have noticed had she been dating World’s No 1 Bachelor. She would have, because the press would have been all over her like a bad rash.  And might have made out just a little. All the while Darcy was telling herself what a fool she was and how Sandy was right and she was hanging herself here and how that was going to fuck her life up… Until they both effectively passed out on the sofa.

Tony’s head was on her lap as he continued snoring into oblivion. At least the room felt warm… She probably should thank Jarvis later. AI was good bro when he wasn’t snitching. What should she do now? Was there a way of getting Tony off without waking him? The need to pee was starting to be urgent. The man looked so… calm when he wasn’t talking… If only he could retain that ability when conscious… 

Darcy looked up and felt as feeling left her body. Pepper Potts was standing right in from of them, smiling.

“Good Morning. I hope I didn’t wake you. I just came to drop something off. Pepper Potts.” A perfectly manicured and moisturised hand was extended to Darcy as the woman whispered as not to wake Tony.

 “Darcy…”

“Miss Lewis, yes. It is a pleasure to finally meet you. Do you mind if I call you Darcy?”

  _Fucking Rogers, if I will ever see him again I will… Holy Shit… I swear to Thor… On ice … forever…_

“Yeah, no… I mean, yes, it is fine.” Tony took the moment to groan and shift pressing his face to her belly and paw at her arm to return it back where had been resting before she had woken up, pressed to his chest. This was awkward…

“You can call me Virginia, or Pepper if you prefer.” Darcy nodded daftly as her other hand was still going through Tony’s hair as if on autopilot. The man shifted again as if he couldn’t get comfortable.

That was not how she wanted to meet the famous Pepper Potts. Not looking like this, not with Tony using her as a pillow and a safety blanket.

“Pepper, we were just-”

“I'm aware, don't worry. Just... here. I had these delivered from legal for you and Tony. Wish I could stop and chat but I really have to run.” 

Darcy once again just nodded as she took the manila file. The woman’s business card was pinned to the front.

“Thanks? Uh… what is this?” By the time Darcy’s sluggish mind managed to formulate a question the redhead was already walking away.

* * *

 

Tony Stark always had a problem with getting a good night’s sleep. It was hard to pin point why. Was that his overactive mind, his even wilder imagination or the numerous issues? The professionals that he had visited years ago could not put it down to one thing. So when his body felt like he just had the best sleep in years he intended to drag out the blissful doze for as long as it was possible. His thoughts weren’t running a riot inside his head, they were down to a slow murmur and there were no past monsters creeping just out of his sight-

“You fucking asshole, Stark. Get off me!” Being unceremoniously shoved off the sofa was not conductive to continuous rest, especially when he landed on his face. The adrenaline kicked in immediately as he scrambled from the soft carped he fell on.

“What? _What_? Jarvis?!” Were they under an attack? What was-

“Don’t suit up, you dick. What is _this_!” A bunch of papers was pushed into his hands. Tony hastily rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. That was not a pleasant start of the morning, but at least Darcy stayed. He had a look at what was handed to him.

“Oh…”

“Oh? Stark, I need more than that right now.”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“It is a hundred pages long contractual agreement! When did I ask for that?!”

“Six months ago. They've been working on it for a while. You were the one that wanted everything written down and rubber stamped.”

“During our drunk and purely hypothetical conversation?”

“Yes. Your make up has smudged around the eyes, and they are a little red, you feeling-”

“I slept in it, what did you expect? And why did Pepper Potts hand deliver it? Tony, why?”

“She has the last word on the parts that deal with your employment. You want me to look it over, I imagine it all is fine, she is really good with-”

“Last word, oh my Thor, Tony… ”

“That was what you wanted, wasn’t it? The guarantee in writing, that I would not drop you when the mood struck me without making sure that your position is secure-” They were at odds about many things, but Tony got it. She wanted to protect herself, it was a reasonable expectation.

“Tony, why does it have Prenup written on the front? I thought we'd been making headways towards communication, yes?!”

“Ah, yes, about that… So, you remember Las Vegas?”

 

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**Hello, my Peeps =) So how was it?  Good? Bad?**

**Don't forget to feed the plot bunnies as they are starving!**

**Leave a comment let me know what you think =)**

 

 

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	7. Chapter 7

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Wino,

Hat off for your help,

Honestly, wouldn't know what to do without it!

Fabulous work as always 

xxx

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Chapter 7

“Tony, why does it have _Prenup_ written on the front? I thought we'd been making headways towards communication, yes?!”

“Ah, yes, about that… So, you remember Las Vegas?”

He watched as woman he had been trying to woo stared at him blankly before sitting down. Yes, she remembered Vegas. It had been an interesting trip. The only one they had so far taken together.

“I … some parts. Not really? Ok... This can’t be good.” _Depends how you look at it,_ Tony thought as he tried to decide which approach was better in this case. Darcy had shown to have a strong flee response.

“Not necessarily.  And where did you get this from anyway?” He was still casually leafing through the pages, mainly to see if he could sell it as something else. Those bold letters on the titular page were unfortunately self-explanatory.

“Virginia Potts handed it to me. She said it is for you and me from Legal. Shouldn’t Jarvis, like, give heads up if anyone popped in?”

“Pepper's got the override authority on that. I see. Well, that was nice of her.” Maybe he should not have told his CEO that everything was sorted. The paperwork to her and anyone else was the next logical step. Well, it was sorted… sort of. He was sorting it. This was going to be messy. “So, Vegas. What you remember of it?” He wished he could stall a little more but alas it was time to forge ahead: a delay at this point would cost him even more now. Darcy looked like she had no idea what was coming.

“Some. I was drunk, you were drunk, I wore your suit at some point… I woke up to Rhodey trying to beat the shit out of you in the next room.”

“You heard that? Don’t remember you rushing to my aid.”

“If Rhodey's kicking yo ass you more than likely deserved it. I went back to sleep… were you the one that put water bottles next to my bed?”

“Yes.”

“Creepy, but thank you. Ok. The suspense is getting to me, Tony. Did we kill anyone?”

“What? _No_. Jesus, woman where did you get that from?”

“I dunno. Sounded like a good thing to work down from. I mean, when we get to the whatever happened there will be list of worse stuff that I will be grateful for not happening.” Tony smiled. Trust Darcy to find a silver lining in their mess.

“That is a fair point, actually. Let’s get to it then. What do you remember?”

“We got drunk on the plane.” That had been a good ride. Darcy was a hilarious drunk. Also, it was novel not to have the company trying to grab his dick all the time. They had enjoyed each other’s company without going horizontal, it was a trait that Tony valued in a woman, mainly because he encountered it so rarely.

“What else?”

“The hotel was really nice.”

“Mediocre at best. Go on.” The presidential suit got remodelled since last time he'd been there, Tony made a face, looked like a cheap imitation of good taste. He couldn’t stand it.

“I lied to Jane that I was seeing some friends… she still doesn’t know, Tony. I just needed not to be on call all the time. We spend _the weekend_ there… I don’t think I was sober for even an hour…” Jane Foster from what Tony had observed so far was a demanding boss and Shorty delivered, but constant pressure of being relied on for absolutely everything would wear down anyone.

“We were in Vegas how else do you spend your time there? And you are abysmally light weight, Spark. ”

“Oh, honestly? Suck a dick, Tony. There was alcohol in my blood, unlike you having some blood in the alcohol that runs through you. Thor, what did we do? We had dinner, at some point. Did I gamble? I remember throwing dice.” Darcy was staring into the distance as if that was helping her to remember.

“You made me donate two for every dollar that I wanted you to play with.”

“I did? Sweet. How much did I ended up playing with?” Darcy noticeably perked up at that. She accepted water bottle from him, looking as tired as Tony felt at this moment. He really wished that they were past this stage, so his suggestion of going to bed wouldn’t sound vulgar.

“You personally? A quarter of a million, give or take.” Tony wisely did not stand in front of her when he said that. The water fountain that came shooting out of her mouth went all over the floor.

“How much?!”

“A haven for troubled teens received a substantial contribution the next day. I think they are upgrading their facilities, bought the house next door. Good things are being done. You like that kind of stuff.” Spark was all for helping people, due to her own troubled upbringing, Tony suspected. It was one of those things that they did not speak about.  It was understood that they both had less than happy childhoods.

“Yeah… but-”

“Everyone's happy then.” They were easing into it. Working slowly through the events to get to the grand finale. Darcy could have simply cut to the chase, they both preferred this little game of cat and mouse mentally readying themselves the potentially unpleasant outcome.

“I bet I didn’t win anything.”

“It is not about the winning. We had fun. So, what else do you remember? I can’t believe we never spoke about it before.” Darcy gave him an unimpressed look as he sat down next to her.

“Because clearly something happened, and you avoided talking about it like the plague while I mentally blocked it for whatever reason. Ok, what else? More drinking, Thor, I drank so much there. Oh, yeah, I wore your suit. That was actually pretty fun. Painful as it is not designed for people shorter then you, but pretty fun. I felt so tall in it. Kind of missing that.”

“You looked good in it, Sweetheart. What you remember about wearing the suit?”

“That I was able to leave the Nightclub with you and not get my face all over the morning papers. I remember that. I googled it after. We went for a ride. In your car. Stopped few places. Happy was driving right? I don’t remember… Were you drunk driving and there were casualties?”

“Nobody was killed as previously established and no, I wasn’t driving.” Darcy clearly was working herself into asking something before just spitting it out.

“Did I pee in the suit?”

“No, I helped you take it off before that need arose. Is this how your logic works? Manslaughter is followed by inebriated suit wetting?”

“It’s embarrassing, and I need to know if I should avoid you for the rest of my days, because it is that humiliating.  Also I am not interested in men that drink and drive.”

“I do not drink and drive, a fact I am no doubt you are aware of, the press would be over that like the white on rice and Rhodey would kill me.” And Pepper, but Tony decided that mentioning the ex too much so early on might give a wrong impression.

“James is a good egg, but I think you are rubbing off of him.”

“Which is of course a good thing, Spark, the man could do with a little relaxed attitude.”

“Stop ruining him. Besides why was he in Vegas? He was there Sunday? Yeah, kicking your ass on Sunday. Why?” Trying to shake some sense into Tony Stark, without much success. Tony continued smiling.

“I asked him to come. But that was after. Now what else you remember?”

* * *

 

From the way Tony was asking they were getting to the important part. What else did they do? They did stuff. They went around. They danced. They had fun. It was very liberating and Tony’s presence made her relax and let her finally enjoy it.

“Tourists took photos… the road was blocked, why do I remember that some road was blocked? We walked somewhere. Oh, yeah.” Darcy leaned back and snickered. That bit was funny. “You are actually officially the most narcissistic person on the planet.” She really needed to wash her face. The tear glands in her eyes must have been jammed as that deserved at least one or two funny tears. “I hope you donated to the chapel. I nearly went through their wall.”

“Handsomely. Ok. And?”

“You married your suit? I need to clean up this -”

“I did not marry the suit. You can’t marry one even when it has Jarvis operating it, it still counts as an inanimate object. You on the other hand can marry the person _in_ the suit.” Darcy just sat there and listened. The situation was beginning to dawn on her and the frantic mind grasped at straws to prevent the conclusion materializing.

“You _what_?” Tony looked like he was ready to drop the bombshell. She steadied herself gripping the water bottle tightly. She did not like how things looked.

“We signed the register.” And it was getting worse. Tony stated it like it was no big deal. Her mind scrambled looking for a reasonable explanation.

“The suit, _The Iron Man suit_ and you signed the register-”

“Take a second and think from a sober person’s perspective, Darcy.” Darcy sat there stock still. Their little stop at the chapel was suddenly not funny anymore. Perspiration slowly gathered on her forehead and the back of the neck.

“There is no way the dude dressed as Darth Vader performs legit ceremonies.” Why did they even go there?

“He is, as a matter of fact. Has been for the last fifteen years in his Star Wars Themed Chapel. The decor could do with a little upgrade but Legal went through their permits with a fine comb-”

“They are dodgy!” The words burst from her and Darcy froze up again.

“- and didn’t find anything out of place.”

“When did… _that had been months ago_. Before, before I moved to NYC . Jesus, what are you saying? I woke up fully dressed… Okay, fully dressed means no sex. It makes it null and void right?”

“There was a forty-eight hours window to bring that up for the licence to be struck out from the register-”

“Forty-eight hours from _what_?”

“The wedding.” Panic and copious amount of denial slammed into her as Darcy sputtered.

“There was no wedding! Please…Tony, you got it annulled, _right_? We were both so _fucking drunk_ … it could not possibly be legal. What are we even talking about?” This was not happening. It looked different in those cheesy comedies. _Jesus H Christ…_

“It didn’t get annulled.” Why was he so calm? They were going to hell in a handbasket.

“ _Why_?”

“Why not?”

“Why not? Tony, are you saying… what I think you are saying?” It was all a bad joke. A joke…

“Married, you mean?” _What with the fucking calmness?_

“Yes! _That_! Why didn’t you have it annulled? Oh, my Thor… I was married by Darth Vader while wearing the Iron Man suit to the actual Iron Man. Please tell me I was on drugs and all that was just a colossal hallucination.” She would be so grateful for that revelation.

“We definitely got points for originality. The Legal team was speechless for an entire ten minutes and I would say, since they've been working for me several years, that is quite an achievement. Oh, and we both were tastefully suited up so points to us for style.” That was not in any way a good thing. Darcy stared at him.

“Why wasn’t I told?”

“I was going to. I, as you imagine, had been advised to serve you with divorce papers.” Which would be a _normal reaction_ after the panic subsided and the hangover was over. Darcy nodded. That was a course of action that logic dictated.

“Those are not divorce papers, so you clearly did not take the advice.” She was having a problem seeing why at this point. What happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas... _right_? Her frantic mind still couldn’t grasp that it had indeed happened. Them being so stupid as to  do something like this.

“No. I was going to ask you to give me a chance instead.”

“Chance? I am already giving you a chance-” You worked from the bottom up not from the top down… They were doing good, but that was some humongous milestone that was not yet due, if ever…

“Yes, I know. But that is chance of being your boyfriend. Right now, I am more like temp- friendzone- guyfriend. We can do better. I can do better-”

“Ok, so Tony, this communication thing that he have very recently discussed includes _you forgetting to tell me that we got hitched in fucking Las Vegas_!”

“Of course, we will have a more fitting celebration-”

“What? Divorce party, I heard they are a big thing now.” And there better be cake, she planned to eat her weight in it.

“I am sure it is, and it would be quite an affair.”

“Tony-”

“Darcy, Ok. Let’s do it your way. Let’s talk about it. _What is the problem?_ Did I grow a second head? Did my dick fell off? Did I commit a genocide on my last day off? What? What despicable act have I committed to make you talk about being married me like it will make you sick?”

“Tony, we got hitched in Vegas, by Darth Vader.”

“Apart from that. I know you like me. I like you.”

“That is the minimum criteria, Tony- It's not the point!”

“We have spoken of commitment and of what it truly means to us on a number of occasions. No, I did not tell you of our little drunken escapade at the time because _I panicked_. Ok? Because you would have never spoken to me again and in that moment I could not bear a thought of that. I still can’t. Because things were going well between us. So, I kept my options open.”

“What about me? Did you not think-”

“You will panic and run, yes. I thought of great many things. I thought of divorce, naturally. Knowing you it would have been short and clean affair. But you see, Shortstack, that is the problem. We fit. You were not picking the flowers to our wedding cake the first time I got you coffee nor did you pretend that you didn’t know me when the next fabricated ‘scandal’ broke. You have not tried to make money off me, which is refreshing. Lets not get onto the high moral ground about being married, shall we? We are both too cynical to believe in Faith and the Miraculous Happy Ending.

“I am not cynical.”

“Realistic then. What did we boil down all it to last time? Ah. Ah. Ah. Sweetcheeks, can’t deny that it never happened. Respect? Check. Well, maybe you are not feeling it towards me right now but we will get there. Next. Security? I am well within means to ensure that  you are safe and sound at all times. So, check! Attraction? Double check there we can both agree. Overcoming differences and compromising? I am being an overbearing asshole to get my point across right now and you are not trying to kill me. So, let’s say we are working on it. What else? Right. L-O-V-E. We are both of mind that it is a development that happens later in the relationship. I love it when we agree on things.”

“I want a divorce. I can't even. I want a fucking divorce.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean _why_? We got married drunk in Vegas and you kept it secret _for months._ Months you spent dating me without telling me!”

“It doesn’t matter. Where or how. I am not holding you here or holding it against you. I am just saying I am willing to take this shot if you will take it with me. I think you need to stop being scared for just a moment and see how this is not the end of the world, it is merely another challenge. Why don’t we look at this way. Unfortunately, this one needs us both to agree on few things. Despite what my sunny disposition would imply, I _do not_ think that your agreement is a given and I apologise that you had to find out about it in this way.” He motioned to the file that lay between them now.

“I have never met anyone that could be such a domineering douche.”

“I would like an upgrade from douche as I have more style than it would suggest. And you like me, partly, for it. No need to pretend to the perfectly good little two shoes all the time.”

“I honestly thought in this kind situation you would be more amped up to retain your bachelorhood.”

“The only things that changes is that we are married and I no longer sleep around. Is that what is the problem? Pep got me housetrained if that is what you are scared off-”

Darcy laughed suddenly and hysterically as she buried face in her hands for a minute. The poor night’s sleep, the shock and anger finally manifested itself.

“Do you hear yourself speak, Tony? Right this moment? When-”

“Actually-”

“I am not _Done_! This is not one of your corporate business deals that you forge ahead no matter what to close! You kept your options open! Oh, did you? _How lucky for you, Mr. Stark._ I was not afforded that luxury for some reason. Do not fucking sit here and say there is no difference between being married and dating. When you all but lied to my face for _months_. Do you even see in what position you are putting me in, Tony? Do you? I am flattered in a somewhat twisted way that you want to remain married implying that you want me in your life and solid partner, but at the same time, you, a billionaire, the boss of a company I work for pressuring me into remaining in a union I had no idea I have entered. You are pushing me in a corner. Me. A broke-ass undergrad…”

“I did not have you at gun point at that chapel, Lewis. You looked me in the eye and said yes. Mask up and all. I am not sorry we did it. I am not gonna pretend that I am. I can’t…”

“Tony…” Did he have to look so crestfallen? Darcy gritted her teeth and pressed ahead. “You chose not to annul it, all on your own. I have nothing against marriage or even _maybe_ being married to you, except I was not at any point given a choice. Now you sit here and work it like a business transaction. You counted all the pros and cons and you have decided that it will benefit _you_. So you are leaning on me, pressuring me-”

“I am not-!”

“Oh, don’t you fucking dare deny it, Tony! I am a Political Science major. You give pressure and you step back, you portray facts as you see them fit, to achieve the end result no matter what. You wear me down until I give in. I have seen this dance done before. I am not an equal in this negotiation because there is no negotiation. You have decided already, haven’t you, Tony?” She took a big breath. “So, very recently you asked me to give you a chance and I after very careful deliberations I have decided to do it. As much as I'm honestly about to burn it, the offer might still be on the table. Do you want it? _”_

“Of course, I want it. I am not pressuring you, Darcy, I just want you to see-” Maybe from his point of view Tony genuinely thought he wasn’t pressing, because he was so used to things working out in his favour. Darcy stood up sharply as Tony promptly fallowed suit.

“Great. Have those divorce papers drawn up. Then we'll sign this no legal repercussion agreement without the prenuptial agreement and we fucking work from friends. Get it?”

“Darcy-”

“I like you, Tony Stark, please do not make me reconsider that today.” Tony was speechless for a second. Darcy had never outright confessed that she indeed liked him before. Not in this kind of clear outright manner. They regarded one another until he clenched his jaw and nodded. “Have them delivered and I will sign them.” There was disappointment in those eyes and for a second Darcy felt bad, right until he nodded solemnly, jaw still tensed, and she discovered that she could breathe again.

“Of course. Just-”

“Stark, right now I could rip your balls out through your wallet. Stop pissing me off and be thankful. And now, let me go to the toilet.”

 

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**Hey, Peeps! Well, you look at that. An update!**

**So what you think of the new chapter? Good? Bad?**

**Those plot bunnies been busy and deserve to be fed =) please leave a comment** =)

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